Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you can't be happy, at least you can be drunk.

   My parents think I'm bad, but if they saw how half my friends treat their parents, they'd appreciate me more.

   Kant Know Anything West aka Kanye West

   K. K .K members never turn their TVs off cuz they don't want the screen to be black

   I post political status on Facebook just to watch my friends battle each other like it's The Crips Vs Bloods...

   this fat free dinner taste like sadness!

   Obama and Jerry Jones need to get together and figure out what they are doing wrong with America and America's Team.

   "Try googling Google and then hit lucky.....then Bing Bing, and Yahoo Yahoo. If you really bored Bing Google then Google Bing Yahoo" - me at the bar talking to a nerdy girl drunk!

   When Obama was talking about " Change" in his Inaugural speech I didn't realize he was talking about that's all we would have left in our pockets.

   im not sure if I'm hungry but I'm gonna eat anyway just in case

   pizza is the only love triangle I want

   I miss being able to slam my phone shut when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing "end call" just doesn't do it for me

   The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

   that annoying moment when you close the wrong tab

   A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

   Oh, your in a relationship now? No more ‘LIKES’ for you!

   That moment when you have so many things to do and decided to take a nap instead

   2014 is so close I can almost taste the lips I will not be kissing on New Year's Eve

   Everyone knows the way to a girl's heart on facebook is to like every picture and wall post she makes.

   Life is all about deciding how much crazy you can live with.