Karen Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My lady garden could really use a nice face plant.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:46 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was RIGHT THERE.
←Rate | 12-31-2014 07:52 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 13:05 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally... just that I'm at the liquor store.
←Rate | 02-08-2015 10:43 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:46 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every pair of panties can be a thong if your ass is hungry enough.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:07 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys nowadays are so whiny,"these handcuffs are too tight" "there's not enough air in this trunk" "why are you branding your name on my ass"
←Rate | 11-14-2014 08:51 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
←Rate | 10-19-2013 04:54 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet people at my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
←Rate | 12-05-2013 02:33 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Native American name is "Sits with purses while all her friends dance."
←Rate | 09-16-2014 14:34 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope the next iPhone has a stronger Vibrator.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 23:54 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
←Rate | 11-05-2014 13:02 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
←Rate | 12-24-2013 12:25 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's so many pictures of trump thrusting an index finger at me in my timeline, I'm starting to feel violated and a little horny.
←Rate | 03-09-2016 13:33 by Karen Comments (1)  

   messageicon Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
←Rate | 12-05-2013 03:01 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
←Rate | 01-03-2014 13:20 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
←Rate | 12-17-2013 12:04 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boyfriend better be glad he isn't real or there would have been a huge fight about the panties I found in my bed that I forgot were mine.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 12:54 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many self defense classes are required before I can date someone in the NFL?
←Rate | 09-18-2014 14:55 by KAREN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 08:14 by Karen Comments (0)  

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