Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Purell is the most expensive bottle of alcohol in the country.

   Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn't realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It's causing quite a stir...

   I have never been “the one that got away”, but I have often been the one that got in the way.

   I am trying to collect as many New England Patriots jerseys and t-shirts as possible. I want a stockpile in case the toilet paper shortage gets worse.

   And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.

   Somewhere in the world Howie Mandel is walking around with full body Hazmat Suit.

   I want to start a Go Fund Me account to sponsor any Coronavirus infectious people to pay them to go hug a politician

   I’m glad my bed can’t speak because it has seen me in some weird positions

   Who would have thought - even our death is manufactured in China

   I've never Kung Fu kicked so many toilet seats in all my life.

   Due to panic buying Walmart has open register #3

   Mike Pence isn't praying hard enough for us. I'm beginning to think he doesn't care about us at all.

   I'm so old I remember when the only person with germophobia was Howard Hughes.

   Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you

   Went to the dentist today. My teeth are fine. I just wanted to hear some of my songs.

   Some of you all went from homemade, natural, all organic cleaning products to Clorox real fast...

   You can’t call it “pandemic” unless it’s from the Pandemic region of France, otherwise it’s just Sparkling Flu

   The Macarena was just a tutorial on how to fold a sweater.

   The only time I ever heard of panic buying was when the bartender yelled, LAST CALL

   Before the Coronavirus I'd cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.