Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have a lot of imaginary friends. They are real people, I just have to pretend they are my friends.

   The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".

   the edited version of Home Alone 2 is much better!!!

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   You can tell a lot about a person by the music on their iPod.

   I'm not making any New Year's resolutions this year as they always just go in year and out the next.

   Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.

   New year, new me *finally fixes that plate thing in the microwave so it rotates*

   Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99

   New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years

   Little known fact: BILL NYE is short for William New Years Eve

   As a Grandparent, my only New Year's resolution is to give less than 30% of my salary in 2020 to the Disney Corporation.

   Now that it's New Year's eve I expect big big changes tomorrow!

   T Js is garbage. None of these are funny and most are reused from years ago. The prime time on T Js was from 2012-2013 now it’s just pathetic. And I’m sure the mod will delete this. But truth hurts.

   It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.

   My No 1 Resolution for 2020.. Only eat white snow.

   The deleted scene from Home Alone 2 was Trump talking to Kevin Mcallister and asking him to find dirt on Joe Biden.

   Freddie Mercury has replaced Elvis as the go to star for Boomer ladies.

   National debt top $22 Trillion for the first time in US history! Recession, here we come! So much winning!

   12-31-2019 11:00, I said it once and I'll say it again. If you're not happy here, the leave! No one is forcing you to stay.