Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have learned to protect myself against identity theft by keeping a low credit score and no money.

   Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson just had a baby girl and did not name her 'Pebble.'

   Just once I would like to cross my I's and dot my T's

   I get paid to be nice to people at work. Why does everybody expect me to do it for free on my own time?

   Ostriches can’t fly, but mostly because they can’t figure out airline luggage rules.

   I bet Batman’s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he’s willing to admit.

   hey! hey! hey! - Bill Cosby after spiking a woman's drink.

   Mrs. Huxtable is not gonna be pleased.

   They pudding Bill Cosby in prison

   My wife is losing it, she told me she was seeing someone behind my back. But when I turn around there wasn't anyone there.

   4/26 Happy 48th birthday Melania

   Hi ho hi ho off to jail Bill goes

   Kim: Honey, I haven’t heard your name in the news for over a week! Quick, say or do something stupid! Kanye: Hold my beer...

   Random Person: "It's hard to to get people to unfollow me on Twitter." Kayne West: "Hold my beer.".

   Free to a good home. My Bill Cosby vinyl collection.

   Well, looking like Bill Cosby's gonna get to meet Fat Albert, for realz.

   After a news briefing outside the white house. trump and president Macron walked away holding hands. What's up with that

   If Tu-Pac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right now.

   It's steak, not stake dumb ass.

   No woman will ever get caught cheating unless she wants you to know! Basic law of life.