Funny Status Messages and Tweets

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   Mondays really need to be limited to one per week!

   thinking of starting a thread on facebook.... public restrooms need seat warmers!!!

   I'll have a coke please . Hhmmm is Pepsi ok ? Hhmm how about no ! Is monopoly money ok ?

   Sometimes we make love with our eyes, sometimes we make love with our hands, sometimes we make love with our bodies, but we always we make love with our hearts.

   Lindsay Lohan? Uhh, throw her in prison for the next 3 years, see if we care.

   This just in.. Governor Mary Fallin has just signed legislation naming the penguin as the new State Bird of Oklahoma...

   If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it. And it will say "Nobody Likes This"

   Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'

   Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. ;)

   Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....

   I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A "SNOOKIE"

   Pageant officials want to fire Miss San Antonio for gaining weight. Apparently, the poor girl ballooned all the way up to a size zero.

   The Packers had a Super Bowl celebration & as a special treat, Christina Aguilera came & messed up the words to “We Are the Champions."

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook! (and then gets sold to the government for everyone to see).

   The entire French language is a choking hazard.

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's chocolate involved.

   Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?

   "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Unless, of course, they did unto you first, and now you have to totally open a can of "unto" on them.