Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Babe is it in?" "Yeah" "Is it hurting?" "Uh-huuh" "Let me put it in slowly" "It still hurts!" "Ok let's try another shoe size"

   Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

   Why don't Polish people kill frogs? Because it's their national bird.

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.

   Support the economy, buy me a beer.

   Someone make an I-phone app that can tell me what my blood alcohol level is. 

   Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, “Man, did you see the size of that bug?”

   Dear Governments, when people lose everything they have then they have nothing to lose.. thats how they LOSE IT!

   just read wikileaks next bombshell is that Captain Crunch was actually only rose to the rank of Ensign

   Mubarak is like one of those guys at the end of the party. However many hints you give him, he just won't leave.....

   Seismologists are nothing but a bunch of fault finders...

   I just cleaned out my Facebook friends list. Congratulations if you are reading this! I still like you!

   If 2012 does begin to happen we'll just have Kanye interrupt it.

   Hitler hated juice. Not Jews. Pronounciation causes mass homocides.

   suffering from the Hawaiian Disease....Laka Nooki

   When I want to show off my best curves, I smile.

   If you start your day on a positive note, more than likely it will end in harmony..

   Once Liverpool sell Fernando Torres they are going to put an offer in for Andy Murray - They've never seen someone hit the net so many times in 90 minutes.

   We were at the shopping centre and I caught my reflection in a shop window, I thought to myself "F-k me I've lost loads of weight!" The girlfriend hates that nickname, but I found her eventually.

   I see they have blocked the Internet in Egypt. No more online pyramid schemes then?