Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BAD NEWS: I've never been in love. GOOD NEWS: I've never been in Courtney Love.

   You think the glass is half empty. I just appreciate that I have some beer left in it.

   I really want to meet yo mamma! She sounds pretty fat...

   In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.

   I was gonna listen to that last lame song you posted, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage. They make it into television shows.

   Plastic surgery Allows you the rare opportunity to make your inner appearance resemble your inner appearance. Fake.

   Jesus this, Mosses that- Abraham hit me with a wiffleball bat

   Really don't understand why everytime I open my t.v. dinner there has to be corn frozen in my brownie :/

   Did anyone else notice that President Obama's new slogan is "Winning The Future"? Which, ironically is WTF.

   Just downloaded the new FIFA 11 commentory update, not much has changed although when my girlfriend went on it andy grey shouted "put the f@&king controller down & get back in the kitchen"

   Glasses and Bangs.......I just got the 2011 Memo

   Being friends means you can pick on each other and joke around. If you take offense then get off my wall!!

   I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it people like me more than you.

   I'm not pointing out your flaws, I'm pointing out my traits that are better than yours.

   I don't care what you are having for dinner unless I'm invited to join you.

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   Last time I checked, it bounced.

   I personally know that being stupid is its own reward