Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the jets havent even made it to the runway lolz.. .

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're f*cked.

   Lock up your young daughters Roethlisberger will be out celebrating!!

   The Arabian gas station attendant was closing the store when I pulled up. While I was pumping gas, he came outside and was shaking the welcome mat. I asked "What's wrong?... It won't start?

   The condoms I use are so sensitive... They hang around to cuddle and talk to the chick 45 minutes after I leave.

   The Packers beat the Bears, I guess hunting season is officially over.

   If you love me, let me know. If not, please take the $20 and finish the job.

   If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

   Dress the way you want to be Addressed

   i didn't know that your favorite sport is Social Climbing.

   you can always tell someone who just started rooting for the Steelers, they never know how bout the "H" in Pittsburgh

   Ok, who slipped me the laxatives?

   I changed the name of my hard drive to 'that thang,' so once a month, my computer asks me if I wanna back that that thang up.

   Stalking is such a strong word. I prefer extreme follow the leader :)

   Did you know that 'Go Hang A Salami' is 'I'm A Lasagna Hog' backwards?... ^_^

   Man that Bears loss hurt me more than my divorce

   Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case.

   Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.

   Why is it the people who talk the MOST, always seem to say the LEAST?!?