Tim Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Sometimes I go out and dig a hole in the back yard in the middle of the night just to freak out the neighbors.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you are a kid, it makes you proud when someone says "Wow! You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:36 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve often wondered what an atheist would do if stuck behind a car that wasn’t moving at a green light and had a bumper sticker on it that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:35 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I measure my life in WTF's-Per-Hour. I'll probably get a speeding ticket here shortly.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon The answer to the Westboro Baptist Church protests of military funerals is to aim the 21 gun salute at them.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:31 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Curiosity: Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:48 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a little kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:38 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. That crazy thing would never shut up. The parrot was kind of cool, though.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:32 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and gently whisper "Who did this to you?"
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:31 by Tim Comments (0)  


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