SEAN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon This social distancing is stressing out the flat-earthers I’m afraid it may push them over the edge!
←Rate | 05-04-2020 15:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I planted some bird seeds at home so does anybody know how long it takes for the birds to grow
←Rate | 05-04-2020 14:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just downloaded the new Samuel L Jackson voice to my Echo, now it wont quit asking me "whats in my wallet"...
←Rate | 09-27-2019 09:09 by SEAN Comments (1)  

   messageicon Literally held in a sneeze because I was giving my wife the silent treatment and I didn't want her to bless me.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 09:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I go swimming I can feel people dressing me with their eyes.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 09:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can anyone recommend a good wine that pairs well with a teenager's sh@# attitude?
←Rate | 08-18-2019 10:10 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cable guys was just in my neighborhood, asked me what time it was.. I said between 8am-1pm..
←Rate | 06-24-2019 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I start every day with Cap'n Crunch, and end every day with Captain Morgan because apparently I want to be a Pirate..
←Rate | 06-21-2019 09:19 by SEAN Comments (1)  

   messageicon The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that.
←Rate | 06-04-2019 09:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went on a date a year ago with an atheist vegan libertarian anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist who vapes and does CrossFit. I snuck out the bathroom window 45 minutes in, but legend has it that she's still telling me about herself....
←Rate | 06-04-2019 09:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


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