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   messageicon Some of you never rooted for Godzilla and it shows.
←Rate | 09-14-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined myself entering a bank, wearing a mask, and asking for money.
←Rate | 09-23-2020 16:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good Scotch should taste like how a haunted 17th century wardrobe smells.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor asked me if I might be pregnant. I told him I’d be giving birth to a pack of Duracell batteries if I was
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every website for a restaurant should go straight to the menu.
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon turning older than 12 years old was the biggest mistake of my life
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to take a moment to publicly apologize to my wife for answering her phone and bringing it to her while she was on the toilet. I didn’t know your boss was facetiming you
←Rate | 09-25-2020 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave up watching X-Files after realizing Mulder was NOT actually his own alien-abducted sister who was returned as a boy and was suppressing the memory.
←Rate | 09-23-2020 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let’s do something we both know we’ll regret in the morning. Let’s order KFC for dinner.
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.
←Rate | 08-13-2020 09:53 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: Adopt a retired drug dog to help find fun friends at parties.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 04:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
←Rate | 09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like to fall asleep in bed but wake up on the floor, owning satin sheets might be for you.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people shouldn’t be informed when this quarantine is over.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  



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