equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Some women have mood swings, some have entire playgrounds with slides and merrygorounds and teeter totters. You should avoid those ones, Unless they are willing to have sex on the monkey bars, you can make an exception for those ones...

   I have mixed drinks about feelings...

   I don't like morning people...or mornings...or people.

   I don't do anything at 7am that doesn't involve Sleeping, Sex, or Bacon.

   oh, your talking to me again? You must have just broken up with your boyfriend.

   I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.

   only two people with the combined IQ of a salad bar would name a kid NorthWest

   I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!

   If cockroaches can survive nuclear war and chemical warfare, then I want to know what is in a can of RAID?

   I tried to keep up with the Kardashians but now it burns when I pee

   Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked

   You're not stupid, You're just an exceptionally gifted monkey.

   My boss asked me today which one of us was the stupid one. I told him everyone knows that you dont hire stupid people.

   There are no stupid questions, But I have met a ton of inquisitive idiots.

   I haven't lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.

   This recurring dream where my FB account gets deleted and I cease to exist.

   There are two kinds of people in this world, and I don't like them.

   I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

   Your about as useful as decaffienated coffee.

   Coffee, You're on the bench. Alcohol...suit up!