chronic iam Funny Status Messages

   when I was born, they asked me if I wanted a long memory or a long penis.. I FORGET MY RESPONSE

   Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!

   How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?? she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her cigarette

   i realized I was getting old today when I discovered my first grey pubic hair."Dont worry, I wasnt as freeked out as the rest of the people in the elivator", I got over it...

   Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

   i use to have a coke problem........ now its just pepsi

   A teacher in a detriot kindergarden class asked the kids what sound does a pig make? Little Tyrone stood up and yelled FREEZE MUTHAF**KA

   dont be afraid of the dark, be afraid of whats in the dark....

   The worst thing about drugs is running out...

   Dont steal, the government doesnt like competition

   Drugs have taught an entire generation of canadian kids the metric system!

   Your sick, twisted, and rotten to the core!!!!! I like that in a person

   a man walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm, and says.. this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headach... confused, the wife says... thats not a pig under your arm?? I wasnt talking to u, replys the man

   has a big clock

   I stoped stabing people in the back years ago... now I stab them right in the face...

   CHAOS, PANIC & DISORDER... MY WORK HERE IS DONE...

   y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)

   I believe theirs more than one way to skin a cat!!! but the cat wont like any one of them

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head