Whitecube387 Funny Status Messages

   With all these laws cracking down on texting while driving, I think it's a little bit ironic that every police car I see has a open laptop attached to the dashboard. You telling me that's not a distraction? 

   loves the Snooze button on his alarm clock because there is nothing like starting out your day with a little procrastination

   I hate when I don't forward a chain letter and the next day I die.

   Would it kill them to put an extra 5 feet of rubber hose on the gas pumps so I dont have to look like a complete idiot whenever I pull up and my gas tank is on the wrong side

   Women say looks don't matter and all they want is a guy who is smart and funny. But all they end up doing is laughing at whatever the stupid good looking guy says.

   Would it kill the gas stations to put an extra 5 feet of rubber hose on the pumps so I dont have to look like a complete idiot whenever I pull up to the gas pump and my tank is on the wrong side

   Dear Mr. Vending Machine genius-Please do not place all the fragile delicate goodies (such as poptarts, cookies, chips) on the top two rows. Everytime a delicious munchy falls and prematurely break and angel loses its wings :'(

   When you feel like giving up. Just remember all the people who wanted to do great things but quit because it was too hard...Can't remember them? Me neither, because they gave up

   My local Walmart has 28 checkout aisles except for when it's really busy then it only has 2 

   At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

   Why does all the food that is "bad" for you have to taste so good? if only salad could taste like a cheeseburger and large fries then life would be perfect.

   dreams of one day moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

   Percentage of my texts that include the phrase "LOL" - 75% . Percentage of times I'm actually laughing out loud- 0.001%

   Sometimes when life hands you lemons you just need to take those lemons and throw them back in life's face and say "How dare you!!! Don't come back here till you have some oranges or at least a pretty good sized grapefruit!"