QueenBee404 Funny Status Messages

   didn't mean to accept your friend request. This is the last status you will read.

   wonders why is it that when someone wants to give me advice they "put their two cents in" but I only get "a penny for my thoughts". Where is that second penny going? I think I might be getting ripped off...

   if at first you don't succeed, you will never make it to second.

   wondering why when the best actors are chosen by actors it is called the Oscars, but when the best actors are chosen by regular people it is called an election.

   thinks that marriage should be like football; you must show up fully committed and prepared and score every opportunity you get!

   if you follow your heart, you will eventually end up in your chest cavity.

   working today to stamp out, eliminate and erradicate redundancy...

   's 3 year old daughter has shown herself to be a real woman. She has no interest in baseball and had no interest in Daddie until baseball came on.

   wondering why if vegetarian food is so great, everything they make is "turkey flavored" this or "chicken flavored" that.

   wondering if I get stopped for speeding in a Toyota can I tell the officer I had a "Prius-exisiting condition?"

   worried that my latest Salvation Army donatin will have tons of women homeless women looking like sluts from the 90's...

   an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

   for every husband who says that his wife cannot take a joke, he should remember that she took him...

   just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident.

   to all of my FB friends: I love you all and you are fabulous! Except for you #78; you are just an ass. You know who you are so don't even try to fake the funk...

   saw a car today that had a sticker that said "Americans never forget". Then I remembered that Hiliary Clinton is Secretary of State so obviously we do...

   wondering why I can put my "two cents in" but I only get "a penny for my thoughts." I suspect I might be getting ripped off...

   working on my taxes and has come to the conclusion that taxation WITH respresentation is not that great either...

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   thinks that the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes should have been part of the Health Care Bill. I could then have developed a serious case of anal glaucoma and I would be too stoned to care about all the money this is going to cost us.