NO BODY Funny Status Messages

   Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it

   Please don't try my patience. I already tried it and it doesn't work.

   Ladies, easy way to tell if a guy is married? Look into his eyes, if there is any sign of life left, he's single.

   " Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'.

   At school we learn that the sun rises in the east but in fact, the sun neither rises nor sets. Only earth rotates. Education spoils our common sense sometimes.

   Lets Be Honest, slow internet, is worse than bad sex.

   She's not a slut, she's just been on more wieners than Heinz ketchup

   Any female who tells you she don't suck d*ck is lying; she just ain't sucking your d*ck.

   Somewhere in the world, some stripper is still claiming she is paying her way through college ten years and no degree later.

   I get re-pissed about an old situation whenever I have a flashback about it.

   The Asian B0ner -> Often Mistaken For a Third N!pple.

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   Nobody is worth feeling like sh*t for, if they are not bringing you up, then drop their a$$ and stop letting them drag you down.

   When my phone falls, I panic. When my friend falls, I laugh my a$$ off.

   Before asking someone why they hate you, slap and ask yourself why you even care.

   Ladies: When a guy adds you on FB, it means he just wants to be your friend not your HUSBAND, that's why it's called a friend request not a Proposal!

   Ladies; don't judge a man on some sh*t that you heard about his past. If you wasn't in it then it's none of your business.

   Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.

   Catch her coming out the bathroom from that morning shower and give her a reason to go back in and take another one

   She has a Masters degree in lying but I have a PhD in recognizing bullsh*t.