Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Due to the failing economy, trick or treaters will be ID this year. I will be giving out candy to the ages of 6 to 9 years of age. Parents with infants, we know the child can't eat candy due to the lack of teeth. Get your own damn candy thanks.

   Listen seatbelt...I need you in an emergency situation, not when I reach for something in the cupholder.

   Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?

   My twelve year old was riding with me listening to a classic rock station and he says "I can't believe they have a Rock Band staion!"

   It's so hot in MY town, gangs are doing drive-bys with squirt guns!

   Dear construction worker: After 637 washes, your orange shirt is no longer classified as "high visibility".

   Thinking about getting a tattoo of an arrow pointing to my farmer tan that reads "I work"

   Everyone is watching the fight tonight, and I'm over here loading Rocky into the DVD player a $100 richer #winning

   REAL Rednecks read bedtime stories using their best "monster truck" voice.

   I don't want to hear you complain that you can't afford basic cable when you play $20 a week on the Lotto.

   Every status has the potential to be funny with the proper amount of alcohol and or narcotic.

   The first person to fabricate a muffler for a Dentist's drill, will make a fortune!

   Rum, Dr. Pepper, and the Curse of the Black Pearl. The end to a great weekend!

   Should I wear my top up... or down ... or up... or possibly... tucked in?

   Today's tip: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! That is all.

   Proof of insurance Officer? Of course didn't you see my two State Farm stickers on my bumper?

   You ever start to turn numb because you have your AC turned up on max, but you don't want to turn it down because it's 110 deg outside?

   Why is it when someone is under water on TV, I hold my breath also?

   If I have to explain one more time why I'm wearing a cast, I'm writing "Attacked by Ninjas" on it!

   Fun prank for Californians: Adjust your wiper wash to spray the car behind you, making them believe it's raining.