BigToe Funny Status Messages

   Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   Dear Santa , before I try to explain . Just how much do you aleady know .

   If Nancy Pelosi gets one more facelift , she's going to have to start brushing her teeth with Vagasil .

   Rapper "Pop Smoke" has died. Please respect my privacy at this time, while I try to figure out who the heck he was.

   The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hangout. It just says I can't get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?

   If I meet my maker as a result of gun violence , let it be said that I went in a shootout not a shooting .

   I ran 3 miles after work today and stopped by Arby's and got me LARGE chedder cheese and roast beef samich and some fries . Take that Michelle .

   Joe Biden's teeth are so white , they'll probably vote for Romney .

   When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming

   If you're a welder than knows how to lay pipe, you're about to get RICH , !!!!!!

   What's with all this bullying crap ... Bullying has been around since the T'rex punked a lizard . You want to stop bullying teach your kid how to defend themselves , bullies hate a fight .

   If buying cereal for the coveted toy inside is wrong , I don't want to be right .

   For National Dog Day, I told my neighbor's dog to get out of my yard. It's National Dog Day, not take a dump in your neighbors yard day.

   The " I got your nose game" is to be played with children! Try it on your pharmacist or the cashier at Target and they will call security!

   I was just asked what the shelf life was of " fruit cake " , all I could say was when's the rapture .

   It is so hot here ( How hot is it ) . It's so hot while I was mowing grass I saw Satan laying under a tree begging for an IV ..

   I hear they are running a special on Harambe and noodles at the local Cincinnati China Dragon!

   Pete Buttigieg couldn't run a go cart track, at Buster Green's Fun Park and Bait Shop.