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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 99 of 134
"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you told my mom you're no weather man, but she can expect a couple inches tonight.
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04-25-2012 23:56 by
Marshall the Great
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before you judge me, please understand that I don't give a crap what you think.
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05-09-2013 14:25 by
Marshall the Great
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Whizzing backwards on your office chair makes you look like a dynamic go-getter! But waddling forwards on it makes you look retarded :(
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09-14-2011 16:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Keep me in mind. Somewhere down the road you might get lonely.
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04-24-2012 13:44 by
Marshall the Great
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Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I'm so glad I'm not a crazy person.
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10-14-2010 11:58 by
Marshall the Great
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I was just charged 8 dollars for a grilled cheese sandwich. I blew my rape whistle in the waiters face.
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10-11-2012 09:11 by
Marshall the Great
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It always seems like as soon as you start to figure out that life is a real b!tch, it has puppies.
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06-13-2011 15:39 by
Marshall the Great
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Do you know what I find interesting? ...Neither does this person who keeps talking to me.
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06-14-2011 12:23 by
Marshall the Great
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We are one worldwide coffee shortage away from an actual zombie apocalypse.
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06-19-2011 13:01 by
Marshall the Great
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When someone tells me to guess something and I don't but they keep telling me to try, I start to guess they want to be punched in the face.
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08-12-2011 16:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Please don't walk a mile in my shoes. Your feet probably smell and I don't want smell in my shoes.
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04-13-2012 13:43 by
Marshall the Great
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Nothing says "Love" like having a ShamWow tossed at your genitals after having sex.
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06-14-2012 22:50 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes I want to punch words right back into people's mouths.
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04-30-2012 18:37 by
Marshall the Great
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There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now.
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09-28-2010 07:48 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm wondering why the phrase, "It's none of my business" must always be followed by, "but?"
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06-13-2010 14:28 by
Marshall the Great
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It's sad that... last week's earthquake was the most movement we have seen coming from Congress in quite sometime now.
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08-28-2011 13:31 by
Marshall the Great
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“and, so, that's where I'm at on the project, I couldn't have done it with out your input.” - How I end every conversation when the boss walks in and catches me goofing off with another employee.
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05-03-2012 15:48 by
Marshall the Great
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If life gives you sh!t, proudly take it and fertelize your hopes and dreams.
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03-17-2012 15:17 by
Marshall the Great
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The first thing on my to-do list is burning my to-do list.
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06-27-2011 16:38 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes feels like life is a big test and I'm in the wrong classroom.
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03-07-2011 14:52 by
Marshall the Great
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