Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I went to see a phsycic last weekend and she told me that I would be coming into money. Last night I f*cked a girl named Penny. Spooky or what.???
←Rate | 04-22-2012 19:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Though I love and embrace all the cultures of the world, I still have to laugh when the guy at the customer service center in India says "What's up, bro? My name's Dave. How's it going?"
←Rate | 09-01-2011 12:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I completely admire your talent of sitting on it and talking out of it at the same time...
←Rate | 10-17-2011 13:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 15:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you recieve something that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 17:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in. I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?" "Yes honey." "What is it?" "It's the date of our anniversary." Bltch.
←Rate | 08-01-2012 21:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A true friend will bring you fresh underwear and shorts after you've accidentally sh*t yourself and not tell anyone. On an unrelated note, is anyone near El Amigo not doing anything?
←Rate | 11-16-2012 08:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life's one long beer commercial.
←Rate | 11-18-2012 20:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good things come to those who wait... but great things come to those who don't just sit around waiting for sh!t to happen.
←Rate | 04-24-2012 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to live in a world where Chicken Pot Pies don't take 45 damn minutes to bake. Scientists, drop what you're doing.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have so much sand in my ass from the beach I have already made four little fartcastles on the floor.
←Rate | 07-19-2012 16:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in one month. It happens only once every 823 years.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (13)  


   messageicon I found 2 bananas and a cucumber in my new girlfriend's nightstand. I think she has an eating disorder.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 23:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to a Halloween party without a shirt, so when people ask what I'm supposed to be I can say a premature ejaculation... I just came in my pants.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love 'em or hate 'em, you have to admit, Beyonce' and J-Lo never do anything half-assed.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 16:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna try grocery shopping drunk. Can't believe I've never thought if this before.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (7)  


   messageicon When your drunk, leftovers aren't so bad....... this may or may not be about food.
←Rate | 05-07-2012 22:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes... and women say the first thing they notice about men iss they're a bunch of liars.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 10:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone tries to impress you, it means they're impressed by you.
←Rate | 01-26-2011 15:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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