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Don't take this the wrong way, but you shouldn't be allowed to be a person. 
My wife said she is losing her mind. I said "I'm not surprised. You've been giving me a piece of it every day for the past 25 years." Actually, sleeping on the couch with the dog is not so bad. It sort of reminds me of camping out.
When someone says "You just made my day," it makes my day..
Does this hot water bottle and 12 cats in my bed make me look like I've given up on life?
DESPERATION is exactly what I look for in a woman.
True colors always shine through smokescreens.
The most valuable contribution social networking sites have made to my life is showing me how ridiculous it was to have ever been intimidated by or feel less than the people I went to high school with.
If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
if your'e on top of the world, it tuns around every 24 hours.
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Thank god I dont have a house!
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
wishes grass was emo so it would cut itself.
showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture!
life is precious...waste it wisely
just stepped on and off the scales & REALLY hopes the saying, "What goes up must come down" is true!!!
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view
reading Sasquatches, Dinosaurs & UFOs: The Truth Behind 9/11.
Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
If you can't say anything nice...come sit by us.
converting oxygen into carbon dioxide...come to think of it...so are you!!! GREAT LUNGS THINK ALIKE!
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