Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I believe what politicians say as much as I believe the person who says, "I never got that text."
←Rate | 08-14-2011 12:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just saved a lot of time in the doctor's office waiting room by walking around with a clipboard and showing people to any empty room. When the doctor showed up, I was the only one there.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am very much an acquired taste. If you don't like me, I suggest you acquire some good taste!
←Rate | 08-28-2011 12:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the 'Downward Dog' on top of another person.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 23:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just tried drinking orange juice with pulp in it and I finally understand why women don't like to swallow...
←Rate | 11-16-2012 08:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it called "raw sewage?" Does that mean that someone, somewhere, is cooking the sh!t?
←Rate | 05-14-2012 06:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever my girlfriend is mad at one of our friends, she deletes them from FB but makes sure I stay friends so she can see what they're saying.
←Rate | 07-05-2011 13:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "screw work, and screw personal hygiene" quite like last night's bar stamp on my hand.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing about social media is that you can pretend you've gone to bed by not replying but really you're just sitting there the whole time.
←Rate | 12-11-2010 16:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
←Rate | 01-19-2011 22:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope someone gets a pic of Lil Wayne on his way out high-fiving T.I. on his way in.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is Monday, and that's reason enough for me to hate it.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 12:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe early risers just aren't as awesome at sleeping as I am.
←Rate | 11-17-2010 09:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took your survey, sent you a round, tended your garden, poked you, hugged you, and sent you 10 useless gifts. It's hard being a Facebook friend.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 13:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's really funny to see a cat fall off a bed, til it grabs your leg.
←Rate | 11-14-2012 20:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you type in your username and password without looking at the screen, then after you press enter, you realize the cursor is not even on the login screen?
←Rate | 03-01-2013 13:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pot is not a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs. It's more of a drive thru drug that leads to burgers and fried chicken.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 23:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon One of my biggest fears is that some yahoo will actually take my posts seriously and call the cops who will inevitably find my torture chamber, stash of plutonium and action figure collection.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 14:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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