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SEAN Funny Status Messages
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Page: 9 of 14
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
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04-11-2014 15:51 by
SEAN
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One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
15
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04-11-2014 15:44 by
SEAN
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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
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04-11-2014 15:42 by
sean
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No one will think you're boring if you walk around all day wearing a deployed parachute
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04-11-2014 15:42 by
SEAN
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I love when people make a photo of their kid as their Facebook profile pic so it's like a baby is screaming about gun rights.
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04-11-2014 15:41 by
SEAN
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There's a small section in Paul Ryan's budget plan that makes it legal for the Koch brothers to hunt poors. Google it.
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04-11-2014 15:39 by
SEAN
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Rush Limbaugh says CBS hiring Stephen Colbert is an "assault on traditional American values," like drug use, gluttony, sexism and lying.
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04-11-2014 15:38 by
SEAN
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Here's hoping the wind at your back doesn't come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick's Day!
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03-17-2014 09:24 by
SEAN
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Got a call from the IRS this morning, the lady asked me why I sent a condom in with my taxes, I said I figured if I am getting f%ck%d, might as well be safe about it.....
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03-03-2014 11:33 by
SEAN
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My last girlfriend wanted more excitement in our relationship so I gave her a couple of opportunities to escape the basement.
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02-19-2014 17:19 by
SEAN
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There is a person out there for everyone. Your person just happens to be three cats.
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02-19-2014 17:18 by
SEAN
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My kid's new teacher asked me to describe his personality so I just videotaped me crying and taking shots of Vodka.
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02-19-2014 17:17 by
SEAN
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.
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02-19-2014 17:15 by
SEAN
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Can someone's face be a pet peeve?
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02-19-2014 17:15 by
SEAN
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My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
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02-19-2014 17:14 by
SEAN
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Girls spend 20 minutes eating dinner and 40 figuring out who owes what.
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02-19-2014 17:14 by
SEAN
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I could be an Olympics commentator because I'm good at pointing and saying, "You can tell she wants it."
47
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02-19-2014 17:12 by
SEAN
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It sucks when you wanna throw a brick at someone's face, but you can't, because you don't have a brick.
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02-19-2014 17:12 by
SEAN
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Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive.
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01-23-2014 12:21 by
SEAN
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Been throwing up gang signs at my mom all morning. Now she won't make me lunch.
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01-20-2014 08:39 by
SEAN
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