Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. Heck I'm just afraid of that word.

   I figured out why I don't go out drinking much anymore... result being tagged in embarrassing photos on Facebook!

   You will never understand people, just understand that.

   Dude... "Who else would put up with me?" is not a good compliment to give your girlfriend.

   I LOVE it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!

   Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don't even know it.

   Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn’t have said.

   I have a feeling that whoever coined the phrase "it's what's on the inside that matters" was talking about drug mules.

   Honey, do you remember those days when we first met and you'd wake up and leave for a few days? Those were some GOOD times huh.....right.......hello? What did I say now?

   I've spent a small fortune on dog toys and the he's outside chewing on a cardboard box.

   Often we fail to appreciate those closest to us... Soooo, go waaaaaaaay over there, I would appreciate it...

   As I got older, I thought my attitiude was starting to mellow out. Come to find out that the reason was I just didn't give a f*ck anymore!

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   There needs to be a new traffic light color. Something like blue that means "Hey, stop texting. The light's about to turn Green."

   Stop looking at me like that - it's not like you've never tried to play a song from the ATM at the bar before either.

   Yeah, I thought I loved you too... but then I realized I just needed to fart.

   Other than changing your email to something other than jizzbucket4u@gmail.com, I'd say your resume looks pretty good.

   The big bag of Halloween candy has already been opened. The outcome does not look good for trick or treaters on Sunday.

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," whispered the heart.

   A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I'm not surprised.