Funny Status Messages

   Protesters should step their game up and start blocking railroad crossings.

   The best way to surprise your partner in bed is by dying in your sleep.

   With a little luck, the entire 2022 Major League Baseball season will be canceled.

   So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?

   My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it

   Some people shouldn’t be informed when this quarantine is over.

   I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.

   Remember me in your Prayers like you do in your Gossips.

   It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.

   Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

   People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.

   The CDC recommends wearing a blindfold so you can’t see what’s really going on.

   Assert dominance at your friend’s house by taking a massive dump.

   This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I'm not your boyfriend.

   Your posts are going viral, just like herpes.

   This is probably not the year to hang mistletoe around the workplace.

   As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of.... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation..

   I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.

   Are robots really not able to click those "I am not a robot" buttons? Then we got pretty dumb robots

   I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety.