Funny Status Messages

   You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant...

   For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)

   Well if Killer Whales kill, I dont wanna know what Humpback or Sperm whales do...

   has ordered a home delivery from KFC and Denny's simultaneously, so he can see which comes first, the chicken or the eggs.

   I'm going to make Christmas cookies with dog bone cookie cutters & see if anyone eats them this year!!!

   they should change the name of Rock Band to 'Drunken Family karaoke Failure'

   Scientists remain baffled over the reason why thousands of birds fell from the sky in an apparent mass suicide....... And in other news, Rosie O'donnell was seen hang-gilding naked over Arkansas.... Film at 11.......

   BBC News: David and Victoria Beckham expecting fourth child. Oh wait, no, she's just eaten an apple.

   Facebook needs a SERIOUSLY?!?? button

   Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

   An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future ;)

   I like to slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the store and then watch their reactions when their checking out.

   Put your seatbelt on I wanna try something. I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.

   Hey, candy bar companies: My bite size far exceeds your pathetic estimates.

   thinking of adding you to his to-do list.

   Trust me when I say its better to walk in on both of your parents making love than just one of them !

   Veteran: Someone that wants to choke the crap out of the punk in front of you for not taking his hat off during the National Anthem. Someone that still gets queasy around dehydrated food. Someone that has to use all their might to not tear up during "Taps

   I hate when you try dodging someone walking the opposite direction and you both step the same way, twice.

   How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.

   I just returned a Rug Dr to Lowes. When asked if it worked ok I responded, "Yep got up all the blood and evidence as promised. I would recommend it to anyone"!