Funny Status Messages

   The killer of the Pennsylvania Trooper was handcuffed and transported to jail with the dead Trooper's handcuffs and police car, maybe they can shoot him with the Trooper's GUN !

   Male camel toe? Dude that's just nuts.

   People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow

   anyone here with one leg? I have a ton of socks you can have

   On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.

   Just heard someone on the porch, hopefully this is just a home invasion and not some unexpected company

   I am not a comedian but the joke below sucks big time.

   The American Justice system was ruined the day they started to allow cameras in the courtroom.

   There should be a sequel song about needing a ride back from Funkytown.

   On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said "When are you due?" This is why we are here...

   So... Where does one obtain minions?

   The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.

   Once upon a midday dreary, While I plotted my next mealy, Came an empty rap-rap-rapping at my cupboard door. Quoth the Ramen, “Ever poor.”

   Bless you P ornhub for your categories. Some days I'm feeling the MILF's, somedays the gang b ang. It's like the Baskin Robbins of por n.

   The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.

   Tomato basil soup is just a fancy way to make people drink pizza sauce.

   A girl just asked me "When a guy says GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH, what's a good comeback?" I told her, "COMEBACK with a damn sandwich."

   11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.

   My BEST ever fart,, was the one that made my Grandmother turn round and say "Robert? Who's Robert?"

   i finally figured out what I wanna be when I get older...........................Younger!