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   messageicon We are gonna have to retire the phrase “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out people don’t do that.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hell yes I want to apply for your store credit card. Let’s go through the entire process now while the shoppers in line behind me fantasize about my brutal murder.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.
←Rate | 02-26-2016 23:16 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm amazed that my iPhone suddenly stopped working just in time as the new iPhone came out.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa! Wake me up if there is an emergency like the world‘s about to get normal
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 10yo rejected a pair of socks because she could “feel the polka dots” if you’re wondering what the girl from The Princess and the Pea is up to these days.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently at a pumpkin farm that has 800 activities for kids & zero alcohol for parents. What level of hell is this?
←Rate | 10-05-2020 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I have to be awake, everyone has to be awake. – birds
←Rate | 12-10-2020 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
←Rate | 11-25-2019 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.
←Rate | 11-23-2019 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.
←Rate | 01-09-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Science, You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama. A llama named Dolly. A Dolly Llama. That is all. Send.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data
←Rate | 01-13-2020 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have OCD and ADD. Which means everything has to be perfect, but not for very long..
←Rate | 01-15-2020 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you ARE the elderly.
←Rate | 03-17-2020 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it
←Rate | 04-10-2020 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid 19 it will leave.
←Rate | 04-15-2020 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look
←Rate | 04-17-2020 05:59 by raman911 Comments (0)  



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