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No man goes before his time....... Unless the boss leaves early... 
wish every relationship i've been in had a 30 day money back guarantee!
KFC is donating money towards breast cancer. They don't want anything killing their customers except heart disease.
: Dont you just wish you could go back to being a kid and let the adults take care of the problems that they created for themselves?
You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.
Well established facts can be disputed if you Google them hard enough.
The only time I ever nap is after hitting the snooze button. I took 32 naps this morning.
celebrating 1 year of sobriety today…I think it was 1972...
How can big pharma make millions of dollars selling laxatives to the elderly, when Taco Bell can manage to do the trick for $2.99?
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency
*Solution to fix the problems you have with the new Facebook setup* First click the down arrow upper right corner, then click "Account Settings", then go to "security", select "deactivate account", small form to fill out, then confirm. Then go outside.
Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait.
Beer Nuts are $1.29, but deer nuts are under a buck
Pride day is a month long, yet Vererans day is only one day....Please explain
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
ORGANISM.. you read that wrong the first time didn't you...
If I followed the advice "live every day like it's your last," I'd become an 800 pound criminal with multiple STDs.
If Bono ,Julia Roberts and the rest of those billionare bozos care so much then why not sell one of your mansions or private jets and give it to charity. But those elitists gotta beg the hard-working Americans to give what we don't have, now get off my tv
Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like god came down and highlighted all the important parts.
21 years old? 5 kids? That's not a vajayjay, that's a Pez dispenser.
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