Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.

   I was born in the 70's.......which means the Doctor probably needed to use a weed whacker to get me out!

   If you don't wake up, eat & then go back to sleep, you're doing Sunday wrong.

   When the hell did I get drunk and married to Google? I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence...

   We're all part of the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   In the South we don't pay no attention to that stupid ground hog. We go out and look at the bush hog, if there is frost on it, it's still cold... dammit.

   To my neighbor dude who just saw me smoking outside without pants on: I'm sorry. To his wife: You're welcome.

   Facebook now has 901 million users and I'm pretty sure all of them have invited me to play FarmVille.

   Sometimes I like to re---post my statuses that didn't get any "Likes"... because they deserve a second chance too.

   When non-smokers come to My house, I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke.

   When I see people outside, smoking in freezing temperatures, it makes me wonder what else I can get them to do.

   My girlfriend asked me what I would do if she were to die. I told her I'd probably do 25 to life.

   Plan A: Marry hot girl Plan B: Marry average girl that can cook Plan C: Ramen Noodles.

   Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive is the special occasion.

   It's amazing how quickly I can convince myself that I didn't need to do today the things I needed to do today.

   I want to live my life like a fly, pester as many people and get into as much sh!t as possible before I die.

   I can count to five in Spanish. Maybe Pitbull will let me be on his next album

   Hey, Facebook ticker, I don't need to know which Yahoo articles my friends have read. What's next, a detailed report of what everyone Googles in real time? No thank you!

   I don't like exercise so I'm not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I'll judge you standing right here.

   When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...