Mick F Funny Status Messages

   She won't let me warm my icicle feet on her toasty inner thighs due to the availability of a technology called "socks." WHATEVER.

   Q. What's DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association

   Wishing all my facebook friends a fantasmagorical weekend filled with fun, sun, and...hang on a sec....huh?....okay, it's supposed to rain all weekend so never mind.

   I just finished the last of the Girl Scout Thin Mints I've been hoarding. Child labor laws, schmabor laws. Those kids bake a damn good cookie.

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   I went to a pizzeria yesterday that puts marijuana instead of oregano in their sauce. I ended up eating 30 pizzas.

   I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.

   cont'd: I do not like your top news trends, instead of recent news from friends. It was just fine, but now it's pus, don't make us jump to Google Plus!

   The Rockin' Praise band at your hypocritical Creep Me Out Church doesn't exactly make your ancient 13th century worldview progressive.

   All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.

   Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft.

   All my life I've blamed myself for having a weight problem. Turns out it was my mom's fault. It's not that she prepared fattening dishes, or made me eat a lot. It's just that instead of having an egg in her uterus, she had bacon.

   Just finished a frenzied reciprocal poke session on facebook. I think my finger just came.

   I'm more scared than Barack Obama at a Willie Nelson concert.

   Initials and Acronyms. Casey Marie Anthony=CMA=Caylee's Murderer Acquitted

   I used to hate going to family weddings. All my aunts uncles used to poke me and say, "You're next!" They stopped doing it when I'd say the same thing to them at funerals

   I hit the 5,000 friends mark today. Which isn't bad, until you realize that I've been on facebook since 1872.

   I always wanted to be a comic. Not a stand up act...an actual comic. I wanna slap a blob of Silly Putty on myself and make a copy of me.

   The way I see it...if that Snooki character can be perceived as hot, we ALL have a shot at the same distorted perception.

   When I think back at all the pluses of being Italian, the culture, the music, the cuisine, the women...the one thing that really stands out in my mind after all these years was that I netted more than $50,000.00 at my First Communion.