Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Screenplay I’m working on: The entire world is taken over by our phones when they become sentient. Title: Planet of the Apps
←Rate | 01-07-2020 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old when I was a kid the World Wide Web was connected by a string, and two cups.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 10:18 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old when I was a kid the World Wide Web what is connected by a string, and two cups.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 10:17 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon 80 million all in one lump sum??? Where do I sign up?
←Rate | 01-07-2020 09:45 by MelaniaTrump Comments (1)  

   messageicon I learned years ago, never trust a weather guesser. You learn that quickly when you have to shovel 8 inches of partly cloudy off your driveway so you can go to work. LOL
←Rate | 01-07-2020 06:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have no idea how many windows you have until someone is working on your gutters.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 06:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you read the Dr. Seuss book about an elephant at a rock concert? Its called "Horton Hears The Who."
←Rate | 01-07-2020 06:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't believe I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this without being on any medication.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 06:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does any one want 200 broken triple A batteries? There's no charge.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought some new "London Bridge Jeans" They keep falling down.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 04:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Like a blind man in an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through
←Rate | 01-07-2020 00:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to keep on my toes.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 00:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm tired of girlfriends treating me like a god, as in only call on me when they need something and ignore me the rest of the time.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 19:44 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My supervisor said I'm worth my weight in gold so I'm eating these donuts to increase my value.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 14:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't find my "Gone in 60 Seconds" DVD. It was here a minute ago.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon January is the month that people are most likely to be fired — especially if you’re an elf.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 06:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sick of people contradicting me when I insist that there IS such a thing as an emotional support lasagna.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon *The only differance between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is January 5. I still have quite a lot of last-minute shopping to do.
←Rate | 01-05-2020 15:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so excited as Justin Bieber has a new single out!.....just seeing who my real friends are.
←Rate | 01-05-2020 10:05 Comments (0)  

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