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You should get out of any relationship where you secretly hope the other person is kidnapped and held for a ransom you can't pay.
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04-12-2012 17:55 by
CJ
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My karma punch card is going to be full after today:)
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04-24-2012 19:09 by
CJ
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Based on my wardrobe, dog hair is my favorite color:)
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04-28-2012 01:09 by
CJ
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Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
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05-03-2012 11:37 by
CJ
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Dear sweatpants and hoodies: thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it!!
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05-05-2012 00:51 by
CJ
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Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)
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05-18-2012 17:57 by
CJ
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Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!
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05-24-2012 14:12 by
CJ
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Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."
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05-26-2012 11:47 by
CJ
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God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.
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05-29-2012 23:16 by
CJ
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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06-22-2012 10:54 by
CJ
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Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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06-22-2012 10:58 by
CJ
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If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
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06-22-2012 11:02 by
CJ
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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and enjoy life!!
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06-22-2012 11:08 by
CJ
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house
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06-22-2012 11:10 by
CJ
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No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.
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06-22-2012 11:11 by
CJ
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After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
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06-22-2012 11:13 by
CJ
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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.
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06-22-2012 20:50 by
CJ
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Summer where all the days run into each other and every day is a saturday night!
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07-11-2012 19:10 by
CJ
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Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...
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07-13-2012 12:53 by
CJ
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B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.
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07-24-2012 11:10 by
CJ
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