Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When somebody sends me a 'k' text, I assume they forgot the rest of "fuc_ you" so I make sure to correct them.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 23:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 21:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if women ever walk into a bar, see lots of women and think, "This bar sucks, it's a taco fest in here!"
←Rate | 10-09-2012 15:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody says that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see you have a tribal tattoo, I didn't know Douchebag was a tribe.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave our new female employee an instant promotion in exchange for sex. You should've seen her face when she found out I wasn't the boss.m
←Rate | 05-07-2012 21:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body... Then I was born and that ended that fiasco.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 10:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn't post it. It needs some work.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 16:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are no winners in life... only survivors.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 15:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm in a public bathroom stall and someone knocks on the door, I like to whisper, "lemme see the drugs first." You'd be surprised how quiet it gets.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 21:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 22:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the neighbors don't know your name, you're not f*cking your woman right...
←Rate | 11-05-2012 16:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Haven't gotten ONE response to my hospital job applications!! Can someone make sure my email address works: merciful_angel_of_death82@yahoodotcom
←Rate | 11-14-2011 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 09:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
←Rate | 08-11-2011 08:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm bad kinda in sentences at words order the right putting in.
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend said she thought it was so cute how me and my girlfriend always hold hands. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's because if I let go she goes shopping.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 18:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm ashamed of this but one Halloween I handed out bouillon cubes. Ha! Joking. I'm not ashamed, it was hilarious.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 13:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, it might be because you need to take better care of your own sh!t.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 14:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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