Funny Status Messages

   I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.

   Baldly going where no man has gone before…

   Well,today was a total waste of makeup.

   wondering if they sell over-priced bottles of water in Fiji called America?

   Gravity, is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Magnetism , Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

   I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.

   saw a man get out of his convertible at Wal-Mart yesterday, take two steps and then turn back to lock the doors. I chuckled because the top was down.

   Hates when people come inside her work when its nice out and says "It's so nice out too nice to be inside!" Thanks I couldn't tell it was too nice to be working, guess that big yellow thing in sky isn't a lemon!!!!!

   note to self: even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal. o_o

   there is a midget in line in front of me at the Walgreens. He has a bag of pork rinds and a box of condoms...my question...which one do you think was the impulse buy?

   Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.

   got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.

   Don't talk about yourself so much in front of some friends... they do it when you leave

   says; Life is so much easier than we think -- All we have to do is this: Accept the impossible, discard the indispensable, put up with the intolerable, and just smile at anything... of coarse doing these things is so much easier on drugs :)

   When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you're pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

   WARNING: GIVEADAMN.exe failed to load. Operation aborted.

   What's better?..A hot woman drinking more than you or that same woman buying you drinks?

   People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close.