Funny Status Messages

   Hey person calling me from a blocked number, I’m not answering. Ever.

   Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.

   If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."

   WORDS OF ADVICE: Whenever she says "I think we should see other people", what she really means is that she's been seeing someone else behind your back for weeks and has now grown tired of the charade.

   Facebook should change it from "Friends" to "People I've made eye contact with".

   If you were any smarter I could teach you to fetch.

   BBC News- "Mobiles 'may cause brain cancer'" download our iphone app for more on this story

   Facebook .... the online version of "Jerry Springer" .... but more entertaining.....

   Coffee...Meet your Maker!

   Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.

   It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

   the way to tell a woman is single and or not even dating...is how hairy their legs are

   I do not understand how a phone that starts your car can be a selling point. If someone steals your phone, they not only have your car, but more than likely your facebook, which let's face it, is scarier than losing a car.

   What I typed to text my wife: Getting BK (Burger King) now. What auto-correct on my iPhone tried to change it to: Getting BJ now. Thankfully I checked it before I hit send...

   Once you lick frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin

   Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…

   The Weird moment when somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.

   TMZ is reporting that OJ Simpson and Casey Anthony are now dating after finding out they have things in common on eharmony.com....

   im not saying I'm a badass, but I do play the wii without the straps

   I'm sad I'll never get to see the joy and confusion on some archeologist's face when, in a few thousand years, he tries to explain the "Shake Weight" ..