Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Hey person that always has to make a comment that ruins my status, f*ck off! You're just jealous that I came up with a better status than you.

   Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard, things could get messy!

   If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.

   Ladies, that "gangsta" face you make in your Facebook pictures isn't cute. You look like you're trying to smell your upper lip.

   Nice guys let her finish first, twice.

   I am so sick and tired of your sh!t. You are lucky I am not banging your wife and making you watch... just practicing what I will say to my boss if I win the lottery tonight.

   Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" have a "Use By" date?

   Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.

   At the beginning of any relationship, every girl treats her boyfriend as "GOD." ... 'Later on somehow the alphabets get reversed!!!

   One man's trash is another man's daughter.

   There was a therapist on TV talking about the importance of having a reward system in place for when your child behaves. I remember having that with my parents, it was called "not getting your ass beat."

   I'm so gangsta, I don't even report to Microsoft when Firefox unexpectedly quits. Snitches get Stitches B*tches!

   Sitting in the theater, ready to watch the move then BAM!!! The human giraffe decides to sit in front of you!

   It's going to take a lot more than a few “LIKES” on my Facebook page to make me forget what an ass you were in high school.

   If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be red.

   Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to "like" their status.

   Just got a Facebook "confirmed friend request" email from the bar I got kicked out of a few weeks ago. That means I'm allowed back in, right?

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   I want a Toyota even more than before. Now if you get pulled over you can blame the accelerator!

   I am taking a shot for every "like" I get on this status. Then again, I'm taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.