Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 711 of 5593

   messageicon Happy Single-Awareness Day!
←Rate | 02-14-2010 01:01 by Julius Andres Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't realize until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 14:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you poke, please poke responsibly
←Rate | 07-15-2010 17:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
←Rate | 08-19-2009 17:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 15:17 by fefe Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my pet peeves is women who don't put the toilet seat back up when they're finished.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:27 by MBH Comments (4)  


   messageicon It's impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 16:19 by badd status Comments (0)  


   messageicon if dill was a cookie flavor, would the batter be called "dill dough"?
←Rate | 10-05-2010 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear men who are smart and hot and madly in love with me: Please start existing.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 16:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cop pulls a guy over for weaving in traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin?" The driver says, "You buyin?"
←Rate | 05-26-2010 19:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHEW! I just had a near-work experience...
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When deciding which self-checkout line to stand in, I don't look to see how many items they have, I look to see how intelligent they look.
←Rate | 12-30-2010 16:23 by Mike M Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm going to replace my car horn with machine gun audio.
←Rate | 01-01-2011 11:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people should not be allowed to have cell phones in their cars. Not me though, I can drive with my knee.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 14:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon you've been unfriended, unfollowed and blocked. Let me know where you can see this, so I can block you there too!
←Rate | 10-27-2010 20:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relastionships are like yard sales. They might look good from a distance but close up its just a bunch of crap you dont need
←Rate | 10-28-2010 08:05 by J-Blow Comments (0)  


   messageicon went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and discovered that some people think Febreeze is a substitution for doing laundry.
←Rate | 11-12-2010 10:28 by Nate Comments (1)  


   messageicon You should not clean a gun while loaded....Unless you're wiping off fingerprints!!
←Rate | 11-14-2010 19:24 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Curiosity, just put the gun down and lets talk this out.~ Sincerely, The Cat.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 05:18 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left