SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I don't smoke, but I think a cigarette holder is pretty classy. Or as I call it, a Slim Jim holder.

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   If I don't wear my tinfoil helmet, Jesus will tell me to eat all the donuts.

   When you "ASSUME" you make an "ass" out of "u" and Melissa Etheridge

   Guys, ever have a dream where Angelina Jolie goes down on you and her lips explode all over your crotch? No? Well, you will now...

   Guy at coffee shop just asked for a "croissant" like he's totally a French person. It's like, calm down, dude.

   My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun. #bakerysongs

   Fear? I grew up in a time when the Russians wanted to nuke us and the Stray Cats wanted to rock our towns inside out.

   I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this.

   Nothing personal, but if you're wearing one of those new plastic & velcro boot/cast things, stay the f*** away from me.

   "Try again, dumbass" - the little red line under your misspelled word

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

   The music business is always chasing trends. Adele sells millions, so RCA makes Kelly Clarkson gain 80 pounds.

   Now taking holiday orders for my homemade body butter. Please sign the release form stating that you are not allergic to Krazy Glue.

   that a drumstick in my pocket or am I just glad to see you it's a drumstick I have an eating problem oh God there's gravy in there too.

   Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.

   As long as men have the ability to lie, I will never understand roofies.

   I'm almost drunk enough to comment on a YouTube video.

   Now that we've separated all the crazies into "Tea Party" and "Occupy Wall Street," can us normals just get on with our lives?

   Her: I don't see you feeling what I say, that leaves a bad taste cuz I smell your bs. Hear me? Me: You just used all 5 senses in 1 sentence.