Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The difference between making love and f*cking is the condition of the furniture afterward.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't know how strong you are until you have no other option.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 05:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sh!t you not: My cashier's name was Kashir. Motherf*cker would NOT let me take a picture. He said he "don't geeve a sheet about fecebook."
←Rate | 09-27-2011 15:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon For men who think.."A woman's place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that's where the knives are kept.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scrw you recommended serving size. You don't know me.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 14:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Nothing says "B*tch Don't F*ck With Me" more than, tucking your tampon behind your ear like a cigarette.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Come on down! You're the next contestant on STFU!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4 Steps to dealing with telemarketers: 1. Repeat yourself 3 times 2. Always respond in question form 3. Scream at random 4. Make no sense
←Rate | 08-23-2011 13:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the type of person who would spend 20 years becoming a judge, just so ONE person could be all, "You can't judge me!" And I'm like, "Bull$hit."
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (4)  


   messageicon I cut my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
←Rate | 02-25-2011 19:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "You're the best," just know that it's not really true because I'm the best.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you never whined and begged your mom for a quarter to put in the trinket machine in the front of the grocery store and then ended up chasing a bouncy ball down isle 9 and knocking over a pyramid of potted meat then your childhood probably sucked.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 01:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If the replies you get from text messages consist of only one word, take the hint.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning I had to stare death directly in the eyes! Well, it was my ex, but she looks dead and it was still scary.
←Rate | 10-21-2011 16:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have more money now than I did when I went out last night. Which means I exchanged goods and/or services while drunk. Not good.
←Rate | 04-22-2012 19:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hardly know you... but, Facebook says it's your birthday, so happy birthday!
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was having a fantastic nap on the way to work this morning, until some inconsiderate ba$tard decided to bounce off my windshield.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 11:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know!"
←Rate | 10-24-2010 13:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making up fake resumes for my coworkers and submitting them for sh!tty jobs.
←Rate | 10-09-2010 09:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is no ordinary silly grin on my face, it's an educated one.
←Rate | 07-02-2010 15:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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