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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 71 of 134
The difference between making love and f*cking is the condition of the furniture afterward.
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09-02-2011 21:32 by
Marshall the Great
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You don't know how strong you are until you have no other option.
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08-13-2011 05:25 by
Marshall the Great
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Sh!t you not: My cashier's name was Kashir. Motherf*cker would NOT let me take a picture. He said he "don't geeve a sheet about fecebook."
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09-27-2011 15:13 by
Marshall the Great
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For men who think.."A woman's place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that's where the knives are kept.
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06-25-2011 11:56 by
Marshall the Great
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Scrw you recommended serving size. You don't know me.
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09-26-2010 14:32 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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Ladies: Nothing says "B*tch Don't F*ck With Me" more than, tucking your tampon behind your ear like a cigarette.
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12-16-2012 22:17 by
Marshall the Great
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Come on down! You're the next contestant on STFU!
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03-31-2012 13:30 by
Marshall the Great
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4 Steps to dealing with telemarketers: 1. Repeat yourself 3 times 2. Always respond in question form 3. Scream at random 4. Make no sense
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08-23-2011 13:50 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm the type of person who would spend 20 years becoming a judge, just so ONE person could be all, "You can't judge me!" And I'm like, "Bull$hit."
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01-28-2011 14:54 by
Marshall the Great
Comments (
4
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I cut my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
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02-25-2011 19:27 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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When someone says "You're the best," just know that it's not really true because I'm the best.
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10-30-2010 16:57 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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If you never whined and begged your mom for a quarter to put in the trinket machine in the front of the grocery store and then ended up chasing a bouncy ball down isle 9 and knocking over a pyramid of potted meat then your childhood probably sucked.
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10-24-2012 01:34 by
Marshall the Great
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1
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If the replies you get from text messages consist of only one word, take the hint.
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06-30-2011 12:48 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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This morning I had to stare death directly in the eyes! Well, it was my ex, but she looks dead and it was still scary.
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10-21-2011 16:40 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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I have more money now than I did when I went out last night. Which means I exchanged goods and/or services while drunk. Not good.
22
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04-22-2012 19:20 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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I hardly know you... but, Facebook says it's your birthday, so happy birthday!
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03-17-2012 15:16 by
Marshall the Great
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I was having a fantastic nap on the way to work this morning, until some inconsiderate ba$tard decided to bounce off my windshield.
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01-30-2012 11:19 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know!"
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10-24-2010 13:43 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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Making up fake resumes for my coworkers and submitting them for sh!tty jobs.
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10-09-2010 09:17 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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This is no ordinary silly grin on my face, it's an educated one.
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07-02-2010 15:33 by
Marshall the Great
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