Funny Status Messages

   I hate how many French people play Call of Duty 4, you usually get 'host ended game' before any bullets have been fired.

   Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger... at least one of them anyway.

   needs a shirt that says "Relax! It's not Swine Flu, it's just my allergies.

   I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...

   If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it

   Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

   if it is not on wikipedia, then you are wrong, lady

   Some people use the power of positive thinking..... others you can be positive that they're not thinking

   "Scent" is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.

   just written "You have no new messages" on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and thrown it far out to sea.

   Bing is a great website, for internet searches. I know this, because I Googled it.

   Wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets...

   wondering when BP is going to change the warning label on its gas from; Product contains up to 10% Ethanol, to, Product contains up to 50% salt water....

   I have accumulated considerable wealth which, along with my collection of firearms, makes me very attractive to women. (Every rap song)

   If you got a problem with your woman dont go out and get another woman cause now you got 2 problems

   I'd rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.

   I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; and, Things I'll never do.

   I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. ;)

   Some people should come with subtitles.

   Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?