hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   If you're in line, and the person in front of you doesn't notice the line moving, how soon can you shove them before it's considered rude?

   I can't believe our parents used to have to sit & wait for someone to develop their film before they could show off pictures of their food.

   I hate it when people call me as I'm about to use my phone and I accidentally answer it.

   A bipolar police officer would be awesome at playing good cop, bad cop.

   Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said shell be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.

   My kindle fire reads "50 shades of grey" to me. Its like having an obscene phonecall from Steven Hawking.

   We all have chapters, in our lives, we don't want published. Be reminded though that it's those chapters which make the book worth reading.

   Putting $10,000 worth of speakers into a $5000 car is a sure way of never climbing out of your social class

   I was just brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear "you're gonna have to pay for that"...this walmart sucks!

   The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.

   When I play a fighting game, I press random buttons and hope for the best.

   I want whatever drugs make sign twirlers tolerate their jobs for more than 9 seconds.

   Today is the kind of day where I shouldn't leave the house unless I have Yoshi and like three extra lives.

   I found Samuel L. Jackson's swear jar and I don't think he's being completely honest with himself.

   I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

   If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

   Everyone at this Walgreens is acting like I'm the only person to ever scream out their safe word while getting a flu shot.

   Only dead fish swim with the stream.

   If you ask for one of my fries, sure, I'll give you one. But don't think for a minute that I'm not FURIOUS about it.

   I'm just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.