K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   On my to the ER. I was preparing dinner and accidentally opened a can of whoop-ass.

   If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.

   Dammit! I tried, I really tried, but Monday still found me.

   Microwave popcorn...my own personal fireworks noise.

   Mondays are like sandpaper for the soul.

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   I'll say it again. Nothing spooks me like when a cat walks into the room I'm in, looks at absolutely nothing, their hair stands up, they freak and take off leaving me wondering what the hell I'm in the room with that I can't see.

   A friend of mine called herself a geniust....yes your heard right, a geniust. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

   I saw a man in a dress, with a hearing aid, smoking a joint. One of those high deaf TVs.

   Ever think "Serial Killers Coming" when you're getting into your car and you drop your car keys?

   Can't wait for the Super Moon tonight, I wonder what color it's cape is?

   A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.

   You don't need a parachute to skydive......unless you want to do it again.

   If you forward these idiotic chain posts and "If I get a thousand likes" posts, I automatically think you're stupid.

   I got to thinking about when Hugh Hefner who is 85 was dating that girl who was 25......That would be like me dating a girl who would not be born for another eight years.

   Aww Crap, Monday found me again.

   I'm not one to brag, but I deserve a medal. I just rescued a piece of cake that was trapped in the refrigerator.

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   I rubbed my cats back and forth on the carpet for ten minutes, now they can shoot lightning out of their eyes, They're running around playing laser tag.

   If you really want to go green, start using BOTH sides of your toilet paper.