Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   You ever seen somebody so damn ugly the government should transfer their birthday to Halloween??....Yeah, me too.

   Saying "Let me call you back" is just a nicer or rather messed up way for a woman to say she doesn't wanna talk to you.

   Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   She had a Coca-Cola body....too bad it was the 2-Liter version.

   You know who's going to take the title between the Celtics & Lakers......Football season that's who.

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   Something a wife would NEVER say to her husband: "Could you please stop washing the dishes and sit down and have a beer with me, I can't hear the game!"

   When the world kicks you when you're down, breaks its legs.

   "I'm Tom Bodett of Motel 6, we'll leave the Lysol on for ya"

   Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"

   With all the police and medical shows taking over primetime TV, you figured one could skip all of college to be in the field of criminal justice and medical.

   Police and doctors are fun to watch on TV. Just look at all the shows. In reality, its not as fun when they all watch you. You either done something wrong or something wrong has been done to you.

   A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

   and (number) other friends doesn't need to change their profile pictures.

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   How many damn vampire movies and shows has there been since Dracula up until Twilight Saga?.....Somewhere between the number of 40 and overkill of film.

   Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is.