Jitney Funny Status Messages

   If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event..

   My 10-top All-star Celebrities on Drugs list is Ruined!!! Anybody wanna trade Drew Barrymore??

   Reasons 2 why Florida is considered the "Pitbull" State by the Press....You can expect 3 things to go wrong during voting: machine failures, not enough ballots printed out, and complicated procedures with late ballots count

   I was in the backyard with my wife.A bird dropped its poo on her shoulder. She yelled: Disgusting. .. get me paper towel or toilet paper. I looked up in the sky and said: it is probably a mile away. Plus, birds do not wipe their aasss.

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   *Breathing hard* Today, I finally ran for 1 mile without stopping. STUPID ice cream man just kept driving even though I waved my money in the air...

   Repaired a vacuum the other day. It was easy,,, I just stuck one of Obamacare.org sticker on it... Now it sucks just fine

   Remember when Joan Rivers didnt look a day over $225,000

   Cant Stop Crying :( Maybe I should get away from these onions.

   Can Ford stop running Black friday ads already...its freaken Sunday already you a-holes!

   I'm furious at how fast people jokkke about celebrity deaths on the internet.

   Just told the waitress her arss look like two kids playing under a blanket...

   I was at the super market. I bought 2 dozen eggs. I only looked stupid pushing 2 baskets. I would have been really stupid If I put all my eggs in 1 basket.

   She says that she needs a bigger closet, but she has nothing to wear.

   Birds born in a cage thinks flying is an illness!

   I love the surprised look on a woman's face when I tell her that she drew her eyebrows too high.

   I feel a jokeke for Chris Brown and Ray Rice Rice coming up. hmmm...maybe after I finish this Brown Rice, I'll knock it out!

   Anyone knows how taco shells make it through days on a shelf of a warehouse without breaking, but as soon as it ends up on my plate with some meat in it, it falls apart into pieces? (-__-)