Funny Status Messages

   It's funny the only two states that legalized pot are sending their teams to the Super Bowl...I bet you won't be able to find a bag of Funyuns in the entire state of New Jersey.

   Hmmm,, How about slippers made out of Legos,, So that when you step on a Lego,, you just get taller.

   I thought VH1 was showing an episode of The Golden Girls, but turns out it was an interview with Steven Tyler, David Bowie & Keith Richards.

   The NAACP: Now with no artificial colors.

   I came up with a plan to help people with debt, it's called "Don't buy s*it you can't afford it!"

   I dream of a Kardashian-free 2016.

   My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

   President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, "I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want."

   The only F word out a woman's mouth that scares me is "fine."

   How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.

   Laughter is the best medicine........unless you have Morphine. Then Morphine is the best medicine.

   It's almost 24 years later and so far the magic still hasn't gone out of my divorce

   Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn't cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil.

   Does anyone else feel like a 25yr old trapped in a 40yr+ body???

   Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".

   If Hillary really wanted a best seller, she should have included her 30,000 deleted emails.

   STOP holding secret meetings about my paranoia!

   watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven't taken him away from his parents yet.

   Our new dog is going to be the *best* watchdog if a vacuum cleaner ever breaks into the house.

   You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.