Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 682 of 5593

   messageicon Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.
←Rate | 05-11-2020 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man it's already half way through the year. Time flies when the world is falling apart.
←Rate | 06-28-2020 23:35 by BertWhite Comments (0)  


   messageicon So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?
←Rate | 07-17-2020 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 00:13 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the toilet without my phone. There's 118 floor tiles and the longest word on a shampoo bottle is "methylchloroisothiazolinone".
←Rate | 04-08-2017 13:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.
←Rate | 04-15-2017 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 00:35 by Paul Medrano Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
←Rate | 05-06-2017 21:54 by Glenn M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I HAVE SEEN MORE of tiger woods on facebook today than him on the pga tour in years
←Rate | 05-29-2017 16:21 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, don't get your panties in a bunch. The ones sold individually are much nicer.
←Rate | 06-13-2017 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
←Rate | 07-23-2017 08:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
←Rate | 07-24-2017 19:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid we rode our bikes without helmets and nothing's wrong with us. And you know what else? When I was a kid we rode our bikes without helmets and nothing's wrong with us.
←Rate | 08-06-2017 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that I'm an ass man. Don't get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren't as cute as donkeys.
←Rate | 08-09-2017 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If every day is a gift, today was socks.
←Rate | 08-15-2017 20:46 Comments (1)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left