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Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?
Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro
I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.
I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.
Man it's already half way through the year. Time flies when the world is falling apart.
So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?
There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.
I went to the toilet without my phone. There's 118 floor tiles and the longest word on a shampoo bottle is "methylchloroisothiazolinone".
Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
I HAVE SEEN MORE of tiger woods on facebook today than him on the pga tour in years
Ladies, don't get your panties in a bunch. The ones sold individually are much nicer.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
When I was a kid we rode our bikes without helmets and nothing's wrong with us. And you know what else? When I was a kid we rode our bikes without helmets and nothing's wrong with us.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
I've decided that I'm an ass man. Don't get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren't as cute as donkeys.
If every day is a gift, today was socks.
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