SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Just did that thing where you dump an entire pot of spaghetti on your head and start crying.

   Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."

   Why don't people throw all of their paperwork up in the air when they're frustrated, like they used to do in 80s movies? It feels great.

   I'd actually be more excited to see an image of a grilled-cheese sandwich appear on a grilled-cheese sandwich.

   AOL puts Sandusky news on their sports page. Molestation is physical but it's not technically a sport is it?

   The Hamburglar burgled HAM. If he stole burgers, he'd be called the Hamburgerburglar.

   If G0d is all-seeing, why doesn't He ever say, "Hey humans, you look nice today." Is an occasional compliment too much to ask?

   If a man's wiener was so huge it gave him back problems, he'd never have surgery. He'd just strap that sucker on a cart & go about his day.

   When it gets dark early, the universe dares the drunk within me to get started.

   Every time I type "not" it auto-corrects to "Nottingham." I think I accidentally stole Robin Hood's iPad.

   If wearing a hoodie automatically made you a suspect there'd be dead emo kids everywhere.

   Contribute to my Kickstarter campaign! We're raising as much bacon as it takes for Carnie Wilson to finally reunite with Wilson Phillips.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   Can we start counting magazines as books. I'll sound so much smarter.

   Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   I get one pimple & here I am watching Proactive infomercials & thinking it's a good idea to order. BUT WAIT, there's more!!

   If wishes were kisses we'd all have mono. well, until someone wished they didn't....where was I going with this?

   Watch out, I'm in just the mood to steal someone's armadillo today.

   Next week I'm going to leave my son home and bring a canned ham to his T-ball practice and see if the coaches notice.