Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   It's that time of year again when our thoughts should turn to those less well off in our towns and cities, so remember to lock your doors and windows...

   I am going shopping today. Well, I don't wanna go but this girl I'm stalking is on her way there so I have no choice.

   My girlfriend told me to grow a pear... What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?

   Those who complain the most accomplish the least.

   If someone has something bad to say about you, it's probably because they have nothing good to say about themselves.

   My "We had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow just to get to school" story will be about it taking 4 hours to download an mp3 with a 28k modem in 1995.

   Car dealerships: it doesn't matter how many balloons you put on the cars, I'm not going to randomly decide to pull in and buy one.

   FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.

   Have they invented a cure for morning people yet?

   I said "Just gimme the usual" to the waitress at a restaurant I've never been to. And now I wait...

   F*CK You ↑ You ↖ You ↗ You ↙ You → You ↓ You ↩ You ↪ You ↬ You ↫ You ↪ You ↩ You ↲ You ↯ You ↱ You ↰ You ↷ You ↳ You ↶ You ↴ You ↵ And You ↺

   If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

   When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers... Still to this day, Mr. Smith won't look me in the eyes.

   I've changed the lock on my heart.. So stick the old key up your ass.

   Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that." - Life

   I don't care to be the rich guy who you want to marry and never have sex with…. I prefer to be the pool boy who you want to have dirty sex with but never marry.

   if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a sh!t what your name is.

   It's a lot easier to get over someone when you realize that you shouldn't have been underneath them in the first place.

   "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek.